1996_02 The Daily Collegian February 1996

              -      THE DAILY
^ COLLEGIAN      V
L     Monday, February 5,1996
Opinion
Managing Editor: Robert Bilvado
Telephone: (209) 278-5732
Forbes to
flatten
economy
Commentary
By Jevon C. Swanson
Editor in Chief
Billion dollar heir and presidential hope¬
ful, Steve "Flat Tax" Forbes has, as his name
suggests, proposed that the U.S. convert to a
system where everyone pays the same tax
rate regardless of income, and deductions
would be largely eliminated.
As attractive as this sounds when trying
to figure out tax laws and forms, this pro¬
posal would destroy the American economy
by stripping away the motive for much of
the business transacted everyday.
For example, the three martini lunch will
no longer exist. There is no use for business
lunches if you can't write it off so why not
just send the office boy out for tacos (which
are much better than martinis anyway). This
new found culinary system will sink scores
of restaurants faster than tissue paper boats.
The laid off waiters, cooks, bartenders,
and owners will then soon be flat broke,
meaning they will no longer be able to have
their fine clothes dry-cleaned, which will of
course send dry-cleaners out of business.
The dry-cleaners will in turn not be able
to pay their bills, and certainly wouldn't be
able to go out for tacos, which will force taco
makers to go out of business and the remain¬
ing taco establishments will have to increase
prices to increase profits to offset the loss of
volume.
The higher cost of tacos will mean that
the former three martini lunch people will
have to choose between their office boy or
tacos for lunch, (and I think we all know
which they will choose) and the office boys
wi 11 no w be out of a job.
The office boys will then have to spend
what little severance pay they have on ex¬
traordinarily high priced martinis (because
of the scarcity of restaurants with martinis)
to forget their troubles and will not be able
to have his vodka- and vermouth-stained
clothes dry cleaned until eventually they all
swallow flies and die.
Steve "Flat Tax" Forbes must be stopped
or he will drag this country into a vicious
cycle of failing businesses and rampant un¬
employment (not to mention that most
economists say his plan won't work because
it will increase the deficit and large execs
can hide their assets in nontaxable interest
and dividend incomeL-.
And above all, this crazy (and goofy look¬
ing) man will raise the price of tacos beyond
what anyone really wants to pay for them.
Brother can you spare a dime?
By Paul McCauley
Special to the Collegian
No matter where you go, they are always
there before you% watching, plotting, and
waiting for just the right moment to approach.
They'll come to your house, they'll am¬
bush you outside the grocery store, and they'll
even rap on your car window while you're
waiting for the light to turn green.
These little parasites prey upon our sym¬
pathy and will eventually wear down our re¬
solve, until we have no choice but to give in
to their evil desires or destroy them.
Can they be stopped? ?
Unfortunately neither science nor the law
has been able to deter these pesky problems.
As of now, the best defense is to walk past
them as quickly and as humanly possible.
Don't ever make eye contact with them.
Once they know you've seen them. You're a
goner my friend. Nothing can save you ex¬
cept your own willpower.
What are these terrible menaces?
Quite simply they are the worst of all pos¬
sible plagues that can be unleashed on our
society.
I'm speaking of none other than the
dreaded children selling candy, raffle tickets,
and God only knows what else for a fund¬
raiser. If you see them before they see you,
RUN! Don't think. Just run until you can't
run any^more. Then run some more. They
can't be stopped! They will destroy us all in
the end.
All right, I might have been just a tad
overly dramatic toward the end, but after
Commentary
spending Saturday going from store to store
in search of a particular item, and having to
deal with these candy peddling street urchins
at every store, 4 feel I have the right to be¬
lieve that they are one of the signs of the ap¬
proaching Apocalypse.
Trust me, if you had to deal with some of
the kids that I had to wade through to enter
and exit Manchester Center, you too would
be wearing a sign that proclaimed: The World
Wdl End Soon!     '
What bothers me most about these kids
who wait outside stores to sell to people as
they are leaving, the fact that my parents
would never let me do anything like that. And
now X think they had the right idea.
I don't mind helping anyone I know, but
I'll be damned if I'm going to give any money
to some little snot who claims to be raising
money for a trip to Germany. If you don't
know the kid, or at least their parents, how
can you be sure they didn't buy the candy or
whatever from the store that you just left,
jacked up the price by about three hundred
percent, and plan on pocketing the difference.
I also have to wonder at the intelligence
of the kids who stand outside grocery stores
trying to sell candy. Has it ever occurred to
them that if the people leaving the store had
wanted any candy they would have bought it
while in the store? ^
I can't honestly believe that there is any
individual on this planet who bought enough
food for a week, exited the store, and then,
and only then, realized that the one thing he
didn't have was candy bar.
Not only would this individual have to
have the memory of aChia Pet, but he would
also have to be so incredibly lazy as to pre¬
fer to pay the outrageous prices asked by the
fund-raiser simply to avoid traveling the few
feet back into the store.
Even worse are those kids who pick a
neighborhood at random and start going door
to door peddling their wares on whoever is
unfortunate enough to answer the door. For
some unknown reason they always chose to
ring your doorbell just as either you are sit¬
ting down to eat or your* favorite TV show
begins. That is two reasons to hate the little
bugger from the word "Go."
I find it a little strange that most people
complain about adults who stand on street
corners and ask for spare change from ev¬
eryone who passes. We call that panhan¬
dling and in almost all cities it is against the
law. But when children stand on street cor¬
ners asking for money in exchange for some
token, it is called fund-raising and is per¬
fectly legal. ;\ ^
I only wonder if anyone else can see the
connection between the two.
If we train our children to believe that
when you're in need of money, you need
only stay in one place and ask everyone who
passes by, we shouldn't be surprised when
they grow up and try the same tactics.
If you truly want to see the end of the
panhandling problem, just stop teaching the
methods.
Daily Collegian
California State University, Fresno
News Editor
Heather Hartman
Sports Editor
Brian R. Fisher
Feature Editor
LeahPerich
Editor in Chief
Jevon C. Swanson
Managing Editor
Robert Bilvado
Photo Editor
Steve R. Fujimoto
Web production
Jason Maggini
Copy Editor
Kari L. Scott
Ad Manager
Richard Ahmed
Business Matiager
David Stanley
Senior Staff Writers:
Matthew Hart and Jim Ward
Staff Writers: Dernice Trimble,
Michelle Lomax, Alma Lopez,
Anthony Lopez, Anthony Marino,
Ana Rocha. Brisa Curiel, Shanna
Holman, Deborah Sanchez,
Michael Harding, Silvia Torres
Sports Writers: Matt Croce,
Man Personale, Page Devers,
Troy Wagner, Dave Johnson.
Jabari Lawrence, Patrick
Houlinhan, Casey Angle
Photographers: Paul Martinez,
Mark Lee, Tommy Monreal,
Mohamed El Sharif, James
O'Brian, Ryan McKee
Advertising reps: Richard Nixon,
Lupe Fuentes, Kismet Ragab,
Paul McCauley
The Daily Collegian is published five
times a week for and by the students of
California Stale University, Fresno.
Opinions expressed in the Collegian are
not necessarily those of the entire Daily
Collegian staff. The editors reserve the
right to edit letters for length and clarity.
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